Don’t Interrupt Me When I’m Screwing Up …

“Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.”

Napoleon Bonaparte    As quoted in As quoted in The Military Quotation Book (2002) pg. 93

I beg to differ …

Letting your enemy make a mistake is probably a very wise thing when you are in a hostile or adversarial situation.  If you are at war, mistakes lead to victories … you just hope the mistakes are always made by the other side.

How does this work when your “enemy” is simply someone with whom you are in competition or maybe just someone who comes from a different culture, country, or part of town?  

Is mercy shown to an opponent considered a sign of weakness or ultimate strength?

The reverse interpretation of Bonaparte’s sentiment is that you should let your friends know when they are making a mistake.  Personally I like this aspect much more.  However, this still misses an important point.

Having an enemy automatically makes you their enemy.   They are watching you, hoping you screw up, so they can take advantage.  Doesn’t feel so good, when you consider the other perspective, does it?

Is this how most of us live our daily lives?   Is this how we want to live our lives?

Semantics are important.  If you speak in the language of war, you will approach life as a battle.

An open hand, extended to help, cannot hold a sword.

I do not have a long list of strategies or possible choices here.  Just gonna leave you with another quotation to consider.  In my opinion, it gives us a better option:

“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

Make your enemies into your allies.  Even better, make them friends.   Who know, you might just help change the world, or at least your corner of it.

Considering the possibilities of peaceful co-existence in the Heartland ….

John 

Getting Up The Next Day …

“It’s not whether you get knocked down, it’s whether you get up.”

Vince Lombardi  As quoted in Into the Gauntlet (2010) pg. 181

Well, it might be a little about HOW you get up too …

In one of those little life coincidences, this quotation comes in the order the day after I learn of a dear friend’s cancer.   My thoughts over the past day have been much about how we deal with what life presents to us.

We will get knocked down … as sure as God made little green apples.

No surprises there.  Life has an apparent randomness to it and events happen without notice, without reason, and without checking first to see who deserves a better deal.

I hate this phrase, but it fits:   “It is what it is.”

Railing about the unfairness of something does little to address the reality.  Being upset may feel good for a while, but that gets old rather quickly.    Despair only leads down and that spiral does not end well.

So how to get back up when you are lying flat on your back with the wind knocked out of you?

Here’s one prescription from another dear friend and the husband:

“In the meantime we are focusing on healing prayer/meditation, right thinking, trusting God, and giving attention to the many avenues of health and support that are so very important. Thanks in advance for your love and care. It means so much in a time such as this.”

The simple faith, acceptance, and positive attitude I see in these words works for me.  If you are lying on the floor and struggling for breath over what life has handed you, maybe they will help you some as well.

Hurting and looking for comfort in the Heartland ….

John

I Can See This Clearly …

“An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind.”

Mahatma Gandhi as quoted in The Nobel Book of Answers, (2003) pg. 151

“An eye for an eye” is the ultimate statement of equality.  

Whatever someone does to you, you do back to them.   

“You’ll get yours” is what we say when we operate on this basis in our personal affairs.   We do enjoy seeing someone “get what’s coming to them“, don’t we?   At the end of the film, if the bad guy does not meet a terribly fitting end, we often feel cheated or uneasy.

Life is supposed to be fair.   When someone acts badly, they should suffer in return.  We do not like it when someone treats us poorly and does not suffer poorly afterward.  

The Occupy Movement is at least obliquely based on this idea.   Why should the few with a lot of money do things that make them more money at the expense of most of us with little money?

“You can’t treat me like that.  I’ll show you!”

In our work, we sometimes fall into this type of “tit for tat” relationship with another person or another work group.  An adversarial relationship develops and can take on a life of its own.   They do or say something, so we respond.  They respond to our response, and so it goes … and goes and goes and goes.

‘Taint Fair!”

“Proportional response” is the term used in the political arena to denote this viewpoint.   When one country or faction takes a certain action that is at odds with the interests of another country, especially if that other country is the United States, we want to see at least a proportional response.  

As the intensity of the action increases, our idea of what is proportional seems to expand.

Unfortunately, we often respond with somewhat more force than we received.

Of course, this usually results in a game of one-upmanship, which does no one any good.

“In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king“.    Maybe being a better person and not giving in to the wish to see justice done

How about a proactive stance and not a reactive stance?

“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”

Rather than waiting for someone else to do something that may or may not benefit you, reach out.  Act toward others in the way you would like to be treated.  I’m no rocket scientist, but this makes sense to me, whether we are talking about a relationship, a business transaction, or a global interaction.

Feeling rather peaceful in the Heartland ….

John

I Forgive You, Maybe …

“To err is human, to forgive divine.”

Alexander Pope  in An Essay on Criticism (1711) Part II, Line 325

Topped only by Shakespeare and Tennyson in frequence of  in the Oxford Dictionary of Quotations, Pope was an interesting person in his own right.  Read more about the man by clicking on his name above.

This well-known quote must appear on millions of hand-sewn doilies and wall hangings.   I have often heard this  cited to support someone’s fervent request for forgiveness, using the implication that the person forgiving them for whatever they have done is acting in a divine or godly manner.

Being viewed as a god for a simple act is quite an enticement to be benevolent:)

 So why do we find forgiveness so hard to give sometimes?  Several possibilities come to mind:

 

1)  We view forgiveness as an expression of weakness on our part.  

Wouldn’t want to appear soft, would we?   When we forgive, we are risking ourselves by extending mercy to another.  Some might take advantage of our good will.

2)  Forgiveness requires us to actually forgive.

While we can forgive without forgetting, as the saying goes, some of us find letting go of our righteous indignation at being wronged hard to do.   It just feels so good to be publicly hurt.

3)   Maybe we see forgiveness as somehow unfair.

Lots of folks demanding accountability and revenge these days.   We may think that behavior demands reaction, crime results in punishment, and those who ask for forgiveness should learn the hard lesson of consequences.

Well, if these are some reasons not to forgive, how about some reasons to do exactly that?

1)  Forgiveness works both ways.  

The forgiver receives as much and possibly more than the one forgiven.

2)  Mercy often begets reciprocal mercy.  

Those who forgive may be just as in need of forgiveness.  Let us be alert to that.

3)   Forgiveness is a more humane path to follow than that of payback or punishment.

Dudes, it’s just the right thing to do.

As always, your choice on where you end up about forgiving and forgiveness.  What makes more sense  to you?  What have I conveniently ignored or forgotten?  

Trying to be a more forgiving person in order to be forgiven in the Heartland ….

John

Go Ahead … Complain Away:)

I am feeling very magnanimous today, so I give my permission.

I know that our modern life has many frustrations and aggravations.    We are usually expected to suffer these discomforts and indignities in silence and are often encouraged to “grin and bear it.”

However, I also know that venting is good for stress relief, so go ahead and complain about …

How long you had to spend at work today … to someone who has looked for work, any work, for years.

How much food costs when you like steak … to someone who cannot afford meat or maybe even food.

The never-ending line of fix-it chores around your house … to someone who lives on the street or in their car.

The yelling and screaming of children … to someone who cannot have children or has lost a child.

What a pain your spouse is …. to someone who has never experienced  or has lost the comfort of a long-term love relationship.

How expensive gas still is … to the person who has to beg for a ride to get to job interviews and medical appointments.

How hard it is to eat right, get enough sleep, and exercise … to the person who is facing the end of their life.

The time it takes to cast your vote … to the person who underwent severe deprivation just to live in our country.

How annoying your mother or father are when you go see them … to the person who would do anything for one more visit with theirs.

Your cell phone reception … to the person who cannot afford a phone and gets calls at the shelter or a neighbor’s house.

How torn up the house becomes when everyone comes over … to the person whose house is never visited … by anyone.

There, now.  Feel all better?

I could go on, but you all are smart people … you get it.

Not EVEN opening my mouth to complain in the Heartland ….

John