Cutting Loose …

“Never cut what you can untie.”

Joseph Jouber

We often do cut things, don’t we?

Process, relationship, thing …that is not working, that seem to us to no longer have value, or that we think are too much or too large.

We cut people out, we cut old ties, those apron strings, and “the cord” – all signifying a fundamental change in our relationship with something.

Making the cut means you are on the winning side, while others are on the losing side.   Cutting someone loose means you no longer want to have a contact with that person.

When you cut, you sever the relationship with that thing forever.

Sure, you can tape something back together, either literally or symbolically, but the cut or at least the evidence of the cut is still there.   You cannot “undo” a cut.

… and sometimes you should not want to.

When a relationship, a situation, or a behavior is negative, sometimes the best thing to do is to cut it off, cut it out, or just cut it away.  Make the separation irreversible, so you have no choice but to move forward without the thing or the person.

… but sometimes we cut when we should untie.

Untying a knot preserves the complete thread or rope.  Nothing has been taken away in the process of changing the function of the rope.   Sometimes we cut because we are afraid to try a new knot.

When should you untie instead?

When the thing or person still has value to you.  

Cutting is irrevocable and always results in permanent change,whether you can see the change or not.   Cutting up your credit cards does not address the cognitive and emotional issues that result in all those bills for stuff you don’t really need.

When the thing or person can change.  

Sometimes we cut out things because we do not see the potential for a difference story being written.  Job got you down?   Maybe you should leave, but what could you do if you stayed?

When the thing or person is not the problem and you are.

Okay, this is the hard one. Cutting something or someone out is often easy, although it might be painful.  Just walk away or stay put.   However, when the same issues continue to “pop up”, we eventually have to focus on the common factor – “Me”:)

Of course, being able to discern the honest answer to these criteria in a specific situation does require some self-knowledge and the ability for brutal honesty with ourselves about ourselves.

Trying to tell it like it really is and not like I want it in the Heartland …

John

Related articles

• When Can’t It Be Repaired? To Cut or Untie… (fromraewithlove.com)
• Maybe We Should … (strategiclearner.wordpress.com)
• 3 Signs You Are In a Toxic Relationship (omtimes.com)